Laid to rest 2009

A woman wakes up in a coffin with no memory of how she got there and proceeds to make every stupid decision possible as she tries to escape a serial killer. She drags everyone she meets into the blood and carnage and generally speaking acts in a way that makes you want her dead.
 This film is almost a complete waste of time. its gory, very gory. the killer hacks, slashes and gouges his way through a fair amount of people in a very violent fashion. but alas you just dont care about anyone, and after about 45 minutes i found myself fast forwarding to the next death. it looks like they tried some sort of sneaky twist at the end but to be honest i wasnt paying attention by then because i was bored stupid by it.

BLOOD/VIOLENCE - 4/5 - faces cut off, a very nice shotgun to the head moment.
SEX/NUDITY - 3/5 - bit of slutty activity from what i could gather watching it at fast forward
SCARES - 1/5 - about as scary as a cup of tea

FILM - 1/5 - utter nonsense, it was a struggle to watch it to the end

Quarantine 2 : terminal 2011

Now i really fucking hated the first quarantine, purely down to the fact that it was a pointless remake of my 3rd favourite zombie film of all time 'Rec'. Thankfully quarantine 2 is not a pointless remake of rec 2. instead it takes place at the same time as quarantine, same virus etc but on a plane, which is quite a good move on the writers part cos where you gonna run at 27000 feet. unfortunatly it only stays on the plane for about half an hour then its all in the airport terminal. but it does its job, the acting is ok, its shot quite well and it has the odd suprisingly violent death. you wont spend the rest of the day having watched it contemplating life but you might find yourself having a giggle at the notion of psycho zombie hamsters.

BLOOD/VIOLENCE - 3/5 - throat rippings, skull crushings, basic zombie violence
SEX/NUDITY - 0/5 - theres an implied blowjob
SCARES - 3/5 - its a zombie film, it has the required jumpy moments

FILM - 3/5 - worth a watch but dont expect anything special

Hwanghae (The Yellow Sea) 2010

A man is searching for his missing wife. shes in korea hes in china and he is up to his arse in debt to a local gangster. the gangster says he'll pay for the man to go to korea providing he kills a rival while he is there. the man agrees. he gets to korea, sets up his plan to kill the rival gangster and knife and axe chaos proceeds to take over the film.
the yellow sea isnt really a horror film but its got more blood and violence than any of the other films on this blog so it deserves its place. more people are stabbed in the face and neck in this film than all the friday 13th films combined. small axes are constantly used, again mainly to the face and neck. and the 2nd half of the film quite literally drips with blood and gore.

BLOOD/VIOLENCE - 5/5 - the bloodiest film ive seen in a long while
SEX/NUDITY - 3/5 - gangster girlfriends dont wear clothes if they can help it
SCARES - 3/5 - not scary but pretty damn brutal

FILM - 5/5 - proper film making, proper violence, lots of blood.

Acolytes 2008

A couple of teenagers in australia see a bloke burying something in the woods, thinking its drugs or money they go back to the spot later to dig it up, only to discover its a corpse. instead of going to the police they decide to blackmail the killer to murder a man who molested them when they were younger. with a plan like that, what could possibly go wrong...
well, everything that can go wrong does. the killer starts on a little plan of his own, the bloke who molested them as kids is still a total psycho and the teenagers arnt exactly stable, chaos, kidnap, stabbings and head crushings ensue.
acolytes is well made, acted and although its got a low budget it looks like they at least had a decent camera and director of photography. theres some hard to keep up with twisty turny stuff at the end but its still a pretty damn good film.

BLOOD/VIOLENCE - 3/5 - not much but its pretty brutal when it happens
SEX/NUDITY - 2/5 - teenagers have sex with their clothes on
SCARES - 3/5 - not much 'boo' but plenty of tension

FILM - 3/5 - a worthy australian low budget horror

Proie (Prey) 2010

Now im a keen fan of killer pig films and i love a good modern french horror film so i was really looking forward to 'prey'. alas aside from the last 10 minutes or so its a french melodrama in killer pig film clothing. lots of 'oh but im pregnant how can i tell my dad' and not enough 'shit shit im being eaten by a mutant pig'. granted by the end everyone is covered in blood and waving axes about but theres no emotional bond to anyone, in fact i felt most sorry for the pig, its not its fault it drank some contaminated water, if the bloody stupid humans hadnt turned up it might have just gone about its big pig business.
For giant killer pig film completists only.

BLOOD/VIOLENCE - 3/5 lots of blood but its all in the dark
SEX/NUDITY - 0/5 - nothing
SCARES - 2/5 - a couple of jumpy pig moments

FILM - 2/5 - its all set in darkness and there was to much talking and not enough pig

Sudor Frio (cold sweat) 2010

A pair of 20 somethings are looking for a lost friend, they know she went to meet someone who she met online. they turn up at the house, knock on the door and suddenly (like only 2 or 3 minutes in) the film kicks off. Before youve got time to make a cup of tea they are tied up in a basement getting unstable liquid nitroglycerine poured over them.
They have fallen prey to two 75 year old ex argentinian police torturers who pretend to be a good looking hunky bloke on chatsites so they can lure people into their basement. Why? no one asks, its not really important, what is important is the fact that the whole house is full to the brim with unstable explosives, torture devices, mutant flesh eating survivors of the old blokes experiments and the house is falling apart.
I hadnt even heard of this film a couple of days ago but am i glad i found out about it, its wicked, the tension just builds and builds, every stressfull thing you could imagine happening involving liquid tnt is used to the max. and the writer had the presence of mind to cover the good looking girl head to toe in liquid tnt so she has to cut all her clothes off and spend the rest of the film half naked. genius.

BLOOD/VIOLENCE - 4/5 - heads get blown off, people get eaten alive
SEX/NUDITY - 3/5 - all the mutants are naked and the lead girl seems alergic to clothing
SCARES - 4/5 - more pure full on ratchet up the tension than scares

FILM - 4/5 - the best argentinian film ive ever seen

The Shrine 2010

Three young american journalists wander off to eastern europe to follow up a missing persons case. They get to the last place he was known to be and get a hostile reception from the locals, which they ignore. They investigate a strange fog in the woods and before you can say 'should have listened to the kid who said get away from this place' hell is unleashed in squirmy, intestine ripping fashion.
 The shrine started off feeling like a low budget badly acted piece of nonsense, but it fully redeems itself about half way through when a girl encounters a statue in the fog. from then on it goes all witchfinder general. mad monks hammer spikey masks onto people, young children get ripped up, im pretty sure someone got there hand sawn off at some point as well. always a bonus.
If you struggle through the first act the rest of the film is worth the effort, if your a fan of psycho monks and occult demon stuff, you'll love it.

BLOOD/VIOLENCE - 3/5 - its gory but a lot of the deaths happen off screen.
SEX/NUDITY - 2/5 - a shower scene, and you cant sacrifice someone without stripping them first
SCARES - 3/5 - from the bit with the statue it does the job

FILM - 3/5 - crap first half, great last half hour.

Stake land 2011

A double hard bastard vampire killer wanders the empty monster infested roads of america with a teenager. they meet people. people die. theres some mad religious nutters killing people and trying to rape nuns. and theres psycho monster vampires all over the place. babies get eaten, people get nailed up, throats are torn out, and all the time it feels like an art film. the soundtrack is great, its well paced, well acted, well written and well shot. and gory and violent as hell. oh and danielle harris is in it, which always helps.
could very well be the best horror film ive seen this year.

BLOOD/VIOLENCE - 4/5 - spurty blood and torn flesh a go go
SEX/NUDITY - 0/5 - nothing
SCARES - 4/5 - the whole film feels like a subdued nightmare

FILM - 5/5 - amazing stuff, its like terrance malik directed zombieland

Yellowbrickroad 2011

In the 30's an entire town goes for a walk in the woods and dies in nasty ways. forward to present day and a group of map makers and photograpers (including a local) try to find the path the towns people died on.
everything starts pretty slowly, crap campfire conversations, etc etc. after half an hour i was considering turning it off. then the whole film goes mental. proper mental to the point that i thought my tv was broken. everyone starts hearing music and mad noises and before you know it someones lost a leg and people start munching the 'special' berries. theres sudden death in a variety of forms on  offer. a couple of throat stabbings, the aformentioned leg loss, a rather suprising suicide to do with chocolate...
the ending is a bit strange but look at the films title, how else could they ended it.

BLOOD/VIOLENCE - 3/5 - theres a lot of death but most of it is viewed from far away.
SEX/NUDITY - 1/5 - a few people have sex but its all clothes on style.
SCARES - 3/5 - the middle audio wierdness is freaky as hell.

FILM - 3/5 - the middle is great but the start is boring and the end is all just a bit strange.

The Abandoned 2006

A pair of twins, seperated at birth, both arrive at a house on an island in the middle of russia and proceed to see themselves as corpses wandering around the house, to make matters worse if they attack the dead versions of themselves the wound appears on them instead. so, as one of the characters finds out, its not wise to have a go with a shotgun.
I love 'the abandoned' its creepy as hell, makes very little sense and someone gets eaten alive by pigs. i mean what more do you want. The film doesnt go over the edge like the directors (nacho cerda) previous film 'aftermath'. in which a morgue worker gets a bit to close to the recently dead girl on the slab. but it delivers in jumps and loud noises. and theres a rather nasty bit of home surgery on a knee wound.

BLOOD/VIOLENCE - 3/5 - theres not much but when it happens it delivers.
SEX/NUDITY - 0/5 - nothing, not even an exposed shoulder,
SCARES - 5/5 - first time i watched it alone in the dark it scared the crap out of me.

FILM - 4/5 - watch it, its great