The Wild Hunt 2009

A bloke turns up at a medival reanactment place to try and find his girlfriend, in order to even get in he has to dress as a viking and talk like a viking. his girlfriend has been captured by the nasty wood dwelling barbarians and the bloke has to get fully into the roleplay in order to get her back. why would this be reviewed on a horror film blog? because they all start taking things far to seriously and all out violence and slaughter takes over the woods. its pretty good, well written stuff with an unexpectably brutal last 10 minutes. not sure ill be going to any reanactments any time soon, it only takes one person replacing the rubber knife with a real one and chaos takes over.

BLOOD/VIOLENCE - 3/5 - lots of beatings, some nasty hammer goings on
SEX/NUDITY - 2/5 - a steamy encounter in a fake boat and some wenches
SCARES - 3/5 - lots of oncoming bad shit vibes

FILM - 3/5 - a worthy waste of an hour and a half

Human Centipede 2 2011

A complete nutjob takes the first human centipede film the wrong way and proceeds to catch 12 people so he can give it a go himself. his version of anesthetic is to twat them over the head with a crowbar and when he tries to get the digestive system to link up using laxatives, well, it gets messy. i can understand why the bbfc have problems with this film, its their worst nightmare, someone trying to recreate a film they passed but without the mental capabilities to seperate film and reality, the whole film is really art disguised as hardcore out of order gory horror. and even in its cut form (missing a sandpaper wank and a barbed wire rape) this still goes as far as anything ive seen except for a serbian film and maybe nekromantik. if you can handle everything thats thrown at you when it comes to horror films give it a go, if your even a bit squeamish then stay the fuck away, it will disturb you for some time.

BLOOD/VIOLENCE - 5/5 - home surgery at its most extreme
SEX/NUITY - 3/5 - if you can call whatever the fat bloke does as sex
SCARES - 5/5 - not scares, just revolting

FILM - 5/5 - the 2nd most disgusting film ive ever seen

Wrong Turn 4 2011

Wrong turn was always a bit over rated in my opinion, the 2nd one was great and the third was crap, so which way would the 4th one go? the gory as hell with a bit of sex route of course. it all opens showing how the mutants escape from a mental home, it involves home surgery, someones head getting fried and some one getting torn apart by barbed wire, theres more blood and carnage in the first 10 minutes than there was in the whole of the first film. then it skips forward a few years to a group of four couples and a survivor girl getting lost in the snow and seeking shelter in the spooky abandoned mental home. the fools. theres a quick bit of drink, drugs and lesbian sex and then the slaughter begins. and theres a lot of it. decapitations, spikings, massive power drill abuse, a bloke gets eaten alive, some one else gets brutally stabbed to bits. its great. nothing original but its a part 4 in a horror series so i wasnt expecting kubrick.

BLOOD/VIOLENCE - 4/5 - cannabilism, barbed wire and power tools, sorted
SEX/NUDITY - 3/5 - 3 or 4 sex scenes, some lesbians
SCARES - 2/5 - its not scary, but you do wonder how violent its gonna get

FILM - 3/5 - the 2nd best wrong turn film

Bood Runs Cold 2011

a girl goes back to her home town (where it snows alot) she runs into her ex boyfriend and 2 of his mates and they head back to the old creaky spooky house where she is staying. theres also a man with an axe who eats people in the area. the friends all get axed and eaten pretty quick then its 30 minutes of the girl doing silly things. and thats it. no info about whos killing them, no info on them really. without the credits its only an hour and ten minutes long yet it still feels to long. some nice gory axe deaths though.


BLOOD/VIOLENCE - 3/5 - 4 people get axed up and eaten
SEX/NUDITY - 3/5 - obligatory sex before carnage
SCARES - 2/3 - no real tension, no jumps


FILM - 2/5 - alright, nothing new, nice shots of snow

 

Antikorper (antibodies) 2005

Antibodies plays like a german version of silence of the lambs. only the serial killer rapes and tortures kids instead of eating annoying people. the nutter is caught and refuses to talk, a policeman from a town where one of the murders took place goes to help interview him. the killer will only talk to the small town policeman and proceeds to destroy his life. you see the killer isnt accepting responsability for one of the murders and its looking more and more likely that whoever did it is connected to the coppers life. twists, turns and horrible mutilations of children ensue. really well acted and shot with a nerve racking final 20 minutes, really good film all round.

BLOOD/VIOLENCE - 4/5 - self mutilation and nasty stuff to do with kids.
SEX/NUDITY - 3/5 - a couple of rough sex scenes as the main bloke starts to lose it.
SCARES - 3/5 - tension, tension, tension

FILM - 4/5 - excellant film, i really was guessing until the end.

Territories (checkpoint) 2010

Territories, known as checkpoint in the uk, is a mental little film from canada. a group of twenty somethings are driving back fom a wedding at their friends house in canada. they get stopped on a backroad as they cross he usa border by a border patrol. everything goes tits up. the border patrol are really a couple of fanatical american ex soldiers who have taken it upon themselves to protect their country. so before you can say guantamano the group are dressed in orange jumpsuits having bright lights shined in their eyes and being forced to listlen to really loud gabba. nothing really improves for them and there is no light at the end of the tunnel. great ending, great acting and great subversion of traditional script writing. top shit all round.

BLOOD/VIOLENCE - 3/5 - a few nasty bits, some 'ouch' tooth surgery.
SEX/NUDITY - 2/5 - they are sometimes stripped before torture time
SCARES - 4/5 - really puts you off driving from canada to the usa

FILM - 4/5 - sustained horrible goings on, def worth a watch

FOUND FOOTAGE TRIPLE BILL

Having recently sat through ' a night in the woods' i needed a dose of found footage films to wipe that painful 80 mins out of my memory, first up.

TROLLHUNTER 2010

A group of documentary makers are trying to film what they think is an illegal hunter, they soon realise he is a goverment sanctioned trollhunter, paid to hunt down and kill trolls that have escaped from their designated area. the film goes through all the major troll groups, which get gradually bigger as the film rolls on. trolls are attracted to christian blood so the camerman doesnt last long. followed by the amusing hiring of the replacement cameraman. 'so are you sure your a muslim?'. the troll fx are great, the actors take it all seriously and it ends the same way as all found footage films end, abrubtly.

BLOOD/VIOLENCE - 2/5 - troll attacks, a couple of goats get it
SEX/NUDITY - 1/5 - the trolls are naked
SCARES - 2/5 - Trolls!!!!

FILM - 4/5 - excellant stuff, trolls are great

Next up was the latest hollywood offering.

APOLLO 18 2011

Its the lost footage of the apollo 18 mission, which never officially happened but all the conspiracy nutters out there have known from the start that it was aliens all along etc etc. so, 3 astronauts investigate the dark side of the moon, they find a crashed russian moon lander and a dead russian, the moon rocks are also really living spider things that crawl in your suit and cover your face up as you scream. theres only so much you can do with this sort of film but the change of setting keeps it interesting enough to see it through to the 'aaaaaah' equipment shorts out>>> end.

BLOOD/VIOLENCE - 3/5 - the rock spider things are pretty gross
SEX/NUDITY - 0/5 - three blokes in space, i should hope not
SCARES - 2/5 - a couple of 'boo' moments that work quite well

FILM - 3/5 - the fact that its on the moon is all thats different, but that'll do.

and last on the evenings list. from spain.


ATROCIOUS 2010

For some reason the spanish rock when it comes to found footage films, rec, rec 2 and now atrocious, a film that starts the same way as all the rest. heres a happy normal enviroment, heres what goes wrong etc. but instead of the usual 'no answers'abrubt ending, it delivers a proper ending, with proper views of bloody corpses and an explanation of what you just saw. which incidently is a couple of teenagers who film ghost stories to eleviate boredom on a trip to where there mum grew up who end up getting violently done over by a nutter with an axe. ill say no more but definatly check this one out.

BLOOD/VIOLENCE - 4/5 - kids getting burnt and chopped, not happy
SEX/NUDITY - 0/5 - nothing that i remember
SCARES - 4/5 - it delivers the required chills once it gets going

FILM - 4/5 - a top notch, slightly different, found footage film